“Hey Robin!”
Harris sighed, “Do you do it deliberately, Surr? Ah mean, I know you know my name…”
“Yes, yes, yes…”
“…and another thing, I’m not talking to you while you’re dropping logs Surr”
“Ah, now there, I’ve got the better of you, young Dickie. I’ve not started yet. When you’ve finished missing that urinal, come and join me in here, I’ve got something to show you.”
“Err… I’ll pass please Surr. And by the way, if you haven’t started laying brown eggs yet, what is that awful smell?”
“Ahh, breathe it in Cloughie. Kills 99% of all…”
“No Surr, in the name of all that’s holy, no Surr!”
“Really Robbie, I need you to see this”
So he did know Robbie’s name. Bizarrely Robbie was touched by his supervisor using his real name.
Maybe it was serious, maybe he did need some help.
Robbie stepped outside, took a breath of police station air and returned to the door of the cubicle.
“Ok Surr, make yourself… well, as decent as you can, I’m coming in.”
The door swung open to the site of Endofleveldemon Morose giving his orifice a perfunctory wipe. The stench was ghastly. Harris didn’t dare step any closer to the pan but sensed that Morose hadn’t lied, his arse barrels were still loaded, this stench was just Morose pre deposit.
“Close the door behind you young…”
“Robbie,” Robbie rolled his eyes.
Morose clicked his fingers, “yes, yes, young… yes that’s it, close the door, young…”
“Aye Surr” Robbie obliged.
Morose pointed at the back of the door, look at that! I, I’m, I’m confused Robbie. I don’t like it.”
Robbie turned 180 degrees to see on the door all the usual graffiti. ‘Helen’ followed by her phone number, ‘Villa for the Cup’, ‘There’s lots of it round the back’ and under all this a poster had been added, that Morose was pointing his finger at.
Robbie looked again, it wasn’t Morose’s finger.
The poster was a recent addition.
“Aye Surr, I don’t see the problem?”
“Here I am, young Cloella, with the turtles head, so to speak. The bomb bay door are open, the kids have their costumes on and are ready for the pool, the…”
“Aye Surr, that’s enough analogies, what’s your problem?”
“‘Leave the toilet as you find it, and use the bins provided’, Robbie, am I supposed to crap in the bin, because that’s the only way I can leave the toilet as I found it?”
Robbie took a deep breath and regretted it immediately.
“Do whatever you like Surr, in the toilet. It’s not in my job description to potty train you.”
Robbie waited outside for the dreadful battle between Morose’s arse and the porcelain to come to an end, then pointed out another new poster that had been added over the hand basins
Endof read the sign and a beaming smile reached right across his face.
“That’s fantastic, Rodney. You mean I can insult the seating arrangements and have it turn up in Liverpool? That’s going to save me a fortune in postage!”
Robbie gave yet another sigh, “I don’t think you’ve quite got it Surr…”
As they left Endof added, ”I do wish you’d had the foresight to tell me Reginald, that last one could have sunk the ferry across the Mersey.”
Book 4 coming soon
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Being-Morose-1-Ian-Udin-Sloan/dp/1532806078
offensiveghosts.com 