That’s the purpose of the cacking website, to introduce you to them..

Reader books, books reader. Right that’s the formal bit over with. Read on…

 

 

BEING MOROSE

In a dystopian parallel world, Oxfordshire Police have a hopeless drunk and an over worked Geordie novice, working on crime solving mysteries, along with a cast of shady characters in the force, and very dodgy residents, their families, pets, and gardens.
Anarchy alcoholic fug and rude words abound

“There was no answer from the old scrote. Robbie pressed the doorbell with his elbow, while repeatedly pressing the “call” button on his mobile phone. 11.20am, and all of Oxford was in uproar about the murder of Sir Edward Jayward, their MP, and – and – the man leading the investigation wasn’t even answering the door! Stupid old git! Drunken buffoon! Hopeless addled turd!

INSIDE the flat, Morose was also flat. On his back. He was listening to ‘I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles,’ by the Cockney Rejects , on repeat, while he hid under a duvet on the couch. Oooh, the light! The light! 11.20am and there was this awful, blinding light!!!
And that confounded banging inside his head. And outside his head. And some ringing in his ears, and ringing outside his ears too! Unless…..
Carefully, Morose peeled off the duvet, and cautiously looked around the room. Yes, it was still there. Planet Earth, that is. Cursing his luck, he became vaguely aware that the banging and ringing outside his head, was due to the front door being battered in, and the phone ringing next to him. Taking things one at a time, he wrenched the phone off the wire, and then walked – well, staggered – to shoot the little git hammering on the door. He paused to load his revolver. That prankster out there stood no chance against “Dead – eye Morose”, shooting champion of 1988 in the firearms division.

Robbie was now using a rock to knock through the panelling on the door. It was 11.22am, and he was getting desperate, the pub would be open soon and Morose would have his mental SATNAV geared for it.

11.23am, and Morose took a deep breath, released the safety catch on the door, and on his revolver.
Things were not looking good for either of them.

The door swung open. To Robbie’s sudden shock there was Morose, and there was a gun pointed at him.
“Never answer the door without your trousers on, Sir”
“Good point, Robbie”
“And a pair of underpants is also advisable, sir”

1. SINS OF THE FEATHERS
Left alone with Inspector Morose, Robbie Harris prays for a good murder and promptly gets one in the shape of their local MP. Grilling the entire household, it becomes apparent, that all is not as it should be. Anywhere. But at least there’s a full drinks cabinet.

2. MORONIC MYSTERIES
An attempt is made on Inspector Morose’s life. Sadly it fails, and a guard is set on him as it becomes apparent that a cop killer is out for revenge as is Mrs Harris’s bank manager. As Morose begins to recognise familiar patterns in the killers’ modus operandi the chase is on.

3. CHERUBIM AND TURPENTINE
A missing schoolgirl turns up at the police station and attempts to out-drink Inspector Morose. Modern beat combo music is singled out, as no-one can think of anything else to blame today’s disaffected youth on. Daily Mail readers will love it.

4. LAST SEEN SWEARING
Morose vanishes on a bender, around the same time as a public school teenager vanishes from the planet. While a trail of bodies and frustrated teachers builds up an off licence is trashed to jolly things – and Morose – up, and Newcastle United visit for some light relief.

5. GEEKS BEARING GIFTS
Oxfords’ Geordie-Greek community is being culled for reasons unknown. Mrs Harris has a go at culling the bank staff and celebrities start culling each other, while the big chief gets too big headed for his own good.

6. DRIVEN TO DESTRUCTION
While Mrs Harris starts a new job, Morose is trying to frame a used-car dealer for random pointless murders. Robbie Harris feels Morose is barking up the wrong tree. A specialist in violence against women feels Morose is just barking. Mindless violence & psychopathic homicides follow…

On Amazon, as paperback or Kindle… or contact the authors directly for a signed copy!

ianudinsloan@yahoo.co.uk

07816027181

 

RAISE A GLASS TO INSPECTOR MOROSE.

The long awaited sequel. Well, we’ve been waiting ages anyway…

“You pair of hedgehog graters, this evidence is utter cack!”
Chief Inspector Morose, the miserable b**tard, returns as Oxford Police’s most useless and most plastered detective in six new stories.
THRILL as he survives a stay in hospital.
GAPE as he deals with unusual smuggling activities.
BE JOLLY IMPRESSED as he falls over a lot.
Warning. Contains rude words and cartoon violence. Squares, Royalists, lefties, dullards, whingers, OCD freaks and Health & Safety officials, will hate it.
“On a par with Milligan, Cleese and Adams at their best” – Russell Woodward

1. THE STENCH IS SPREAD

Morose wakes up in hospital to find he’s still alive, despite all attempts from his colleagues. Harris & Max, then the hospital staff all take a go, but when a real sniper kills off the bloke in the next bed a terrifying story unfolds of civil war, mass murder and farts in lifts.

2. THE SETTLING OF THE SCUM

Who is killing off Japanese tourists at an Oxford college during the vacation time? Morose and his ex-girlfriend uncover a trail of revenge from World War Two and unusual smuggling activity – blimey!

3.THIS AIN’T ROCK ‘N’ ROLL

A rock superstar is found dead in the recording studio, in his house. Baffled by new technology like doors, clocks and other products and a real desire to beat Max to the rock stars supply of laughing juice, Morose needs all the help he can to corner the murderer, But all the while, the murderer is poised to corner him…

4.THE VAGUE TIME PERIOD OF THE SCARY CHAP

Demonic goings on in the Police station are over shadowed by demonic goings on in the woods. A murderous psychiatric patient escapes and plays havoc with peaceful devil worshipers. A secret world of evil is uncovered, and all manner of suppressed sexual feelings bubble to the surface.

Phwoar, not ‘alf mate!

5.MUTTON DRESSED AS LAMB OF GOD

Opposition to women attaining high office in church, reaches murderous heights, when a group of misogynistic men wearing long, flowing skirts, beads and expensive jewelry, insist that only men should have office in holy orders. Battling against sexism, over-weight depressives and an untouchable multinational, brings absolutely no-one to a new stage of enlightenment

6.THE CURSE OF THE DEMON DRINK

Strange goings on at the Police station, then across Oxford bring things to a terrifying conclusion as a mixture of drink, drugs, time travel, demonology and coppers on the beat, fail to make any impression on Morose. Along with their chief, Morose, Harris, Harris’ family and a number of lost souls do battle with evil once and for all… until the next book.

 

Also on Amazon, as paperback or Kindle… or contact the authors directly for a signed copy!

ianudinsloan@yahoo.co.uk

07816027181